Lil_Robbie's · Little · World

So as most know I think I told some... I really don't remember. Anyways I had another ultrasound on the 6th of October Josh and me WERE really excited to find out what it was but come to find out the bugger is shy as fuck and moves every time you try to look at it's private parts. Go figure right?
i have pictures to put up from the ultrasound but to lazy to break out the scanner and put them up
the belly is getting a little bigger which is ummm annoying can i say?
yea i don't think i have ever been able to look down and a little bit of stomach gets in my way of the fucking view. BUT i still fit in my jeans... which rocks, but they are fucking getting tight... oh well i have prego pants... YES I GAVE IN!!!!
i have only gained 6 pounds
and i have slightly high blood pressure... which is fucking not fun
i am on fucking another U.T.I. (BLADDER INFECTION FROM HELL) prescription... they are RED now... whoopy..... NOT
i am sick of taking pills every 6 to 8 hours.
other then that i guess everything is a ok and we should be going back in for another doctors appointment and ultrasound in a couple of weeks
maybe then i will get off my fat lazy ass and scan all the pictures and show everyone but until then

love
Becca
and the Peanut

So today Josh and Me went to the doctor to get my second ultrasound
it was so fun I really think it is fun watching it on the screen and all
anyways not much to say
everything is healthy and looks perfect
we thought we would change the name to bob the blob, but for some reason we are stuck on peanut
lol I know we are strange anyways
Peanuts first picture

9 Weeks

So... this will probably come as a shock to most of you but eh i figure i should share it...

Anyways went to the doctors for a REGULAR check up and... low and behold... little old ama is PREGNANT...

yea shocking...
lol guess my doc was wrong but he was just as shocked as i was
told him... "well guess my boyfriend really does have some super sperm"
for some strange reason he didn't find this funny and set me up for a bunch of other shit -.-

Lol and anways
i am 2 and a 1/2 months along
Lol and already buying baby shit like crazy

Funny part is i figured i would never get kids but i am hella excited about getting one
go figure

oh well

^___^
anyways that is my news

<3
ama
and the little midget in her belly

So the past two weeks have been nothing but bullshit. Nothing good has happen...
well actually I lied, but I will get to that story later in time. As for everything else it has been complete bullshit
after one thing happens then another thing comes to bite me in the ass
I don't even know where to start there is so much shit
and half of it has almost left me in tears or extremely uncomfortable with myself.

I guess I will start with the fucking snobby ass back stabbing fat dirty ass bitch who has nothing better to do with her fucking waste of a life, but to spread random bullshit rumors about my and my friend Misty. It first started with some bullshit at her and misty's work... Well come to find out BRE tells everyone I started the rumor when in fact I just heard it from the person who told misty and myself... whatever that didn't really upset me who cares right? not my problem. WELL shit really hit the fan when I decided I would go to a party with Misty and her husband and bre just happen to be there... well misty eric and myself all got shit faced... (yea bad idea on our parts) anyways not going to tell what happen at the party because what happen there stays there and thats the rules. WELL the next day come to find out bre went to where here and misty work and told EVERYONE a bunch of lies and made it out so misty and me sounded like complete whores. she told everyone that we were running around naked trying to fuck everyone at the party and that misty's husband (eric) was no where to be found during this whole thing... yea right... the whole time eric was RIGHT there with her and as for the whole naked... yea only thing i took off was my fucking jacket. oh well after that fat bitch pops out her baby she is going to find out what it feels like to get the shit beat out of her with a bat

then there is this whole thing with ed... yea people think he is harassing me now... HELLO HE IS JUST MY FRIEND

cody and me broke up which is fine he found a girl that fits him so much better then I do

misty and me got in our first huge fight... thankfully we got over that nice little hump

AND last but not least the only GOOD thing about the past two weeks

I MET SOMEONE
and man is he sexy as hell
and sweet and
oh my god does he make me feel like so sexy
like no one has any idea
we were just laying around watching movies and i didn't feel to well
considering i had the worst hang over of my fucking life time (no more spoody ever)
he would kiss my shoulder then collar and my neck and cheek
he would also rub my back and was so sweet\
and then i got really horny and.... it was all over
sex happen... lol
but i just can't get enough of him
he makes me laugh and his pericings are so sexy
hell everything about him is sexy

but there is more bullshit also about my week
seems waylon my ex fiance wants to come see me
that will be exciting... not

ryan moved out and that was hard for him like he cried but he still has a key for here so he can come over and be social whenever he pleases...

i dunno like nothing has been going right and all i have to lean on right now is Josh... which isn't turning out so bad ;) lol but yea you know how it goes and all... i suppose i will just have to keep going at it day by day and see how i end up...

Sorry everyone that i have not been on
you know how it goes i have been busy as usual
and a life which sucks but means i can't be on as often as i use to be which is fine
i knew it would happen sooner or later and i like it this way I meet more people and
i get to get into more trouble in the end
lol

<3 BEC

This is for you who think you know how my life is going...

~Work~
1. Head Life Guard (40 + hours a week)
This job I love the most. I have work my ass off to get this job. For you who think that being a life guard is fucking easy... Think again. I work just as hard as everyone else and sick and tired of people saying my job is easy as shit and any one can do it.
What makes this job so special to me is actually not that I'm head life guard either. The best part of my job is being able to teach the special needs kids how to swim. They are the best group of kids you could meet in this town and probably the most apprecitiative too. I also teach a few swimming lessons for younger kids 5+ lol. Not as great as my other class but man do they know how to keep me on my feet. After that every now and then i sub in for the swim team. I switch off every other life guard certification class.
Another thing that comes along with this job is the fact. I HAVE TO BE IN TIP TOP physical shape. along with my guards requirements for my job is being able to lift more then 60 pounds in and out of the water. I also have to be up to date with my certifications. which usually means I have some certification test every 3 to 6 months.
So don't tell me no more my job is easy. Would like to see anyone do what I do in a day and not wanna go home and crash. I save lives when some others can't.
2. Senior Guard (40 hours a week)
Another job I love, but only because I can get away of being in charge of 10 other people. All I have to do is watch people swim and enjoy my time.
sometimes I help out with classes, but not so much. This is where i get most of my work outs in. I have more time to myself rather.

~School~ (Between classes and homework would say at least 40 to 50 hours a week)
Currently as most know I am working towards a batchlors in Animation and media design. This takes up what little time I have for myself.
Now what MOST don't know is... I no longer take any interest in art. No more am I excited to pick up a pencil and spill my talent onto paper. It seems now more torture then pleasureable to draw. So I have strayed from it. and in the next year after I get my AA in fine arts I will in factnot be continuing my schooling in Animation and media design.
Don't worry though I will in fact be going to school still. For those who care. I will be going into Law School. Yup thats right I want to become a lawyer. Hey someone has to do it and I feel as if it would be something I am good at and a Job I can truely come to love. Then hopefully in the future i can turn back to art as a hobby.

~Social Life~ (what little time I have left)
This is what keeps me sane. It also is what is keeping me from getting on the computer anymore. In the end I have more time to put into friend I know will not leave me and I know in the end I can turn to and they will not leave me hanging to feel as if I am alone. Lol also have discovered now that since I have been going out more... I get fucking sick more... which sucks ass, but hey i am willing to put up with it because I am having a blast.

~Love Life~ (Lol whatever is left he gets)
I AM NOT WITH RYAN!!! If you really are THAT interested in my fucking love life. then maybe you should ask rather then assume. I am actually currently single, but going after probably one of the sweetest cutest nerdiest guy I have ever met. He is untainted and untouched and I love every second of it. Sure he is a vigrin, but eventually I can change that, but in all honestly I don't want to rush it and I don't want to take it from him just at this momment. He bought me flowers today for easter and I have to admit it was the cutest thing ever he was so shy about it, but he made it see like he had done it millions of times before.
Also for those who STILL don't know. I am no longer with Anna, but I miss her with each passing day. I wish it would have worked but neither of us had the time to put into the relationship. She will always be the one girl I love with all I have and never be able to let go. The only one to own a piece of me, but hey not everything is ment to last I suppose. Maybe one day when me or her are living closer to each other I will try to snatch up that spark that beauty that lovble bitch no one can understand but loves anyway.

Anyways sick of writing a novel here and I am tired...
I hope this clears this up for some

<3 Bec

So life has seemed to pick up and I no longer have time for things I use to
I have decided to accept it this time and move on.

After I finish all my art work that I owe people
I have decided I will be leaving the internet
sure I will get on to update this journal and my Deviantart maybe even myspace
but I have come to the conclusion that I have grown out of my
Avatar chat stage and I no longer want to spend hours of my days infront of a screen

I know some people are going to be extremely pissed about it but yea nothing
I do really makes me wanna be on that much anymore

*shrugs*

Ama

Well life has been nothing to brag about.
i have been doing nothing as of late
probably what ended up makin me single
*shrugs*
and yet i learn
i am still a horrid g/f
it happens i suppose
not in the real mood to be all down and out about it in the end

Kandyland is in 5 dayz and i am excited but not to excited seeing as the next 5 day are going to drag on

i miss my friends and everything
i have been so busy i don't have time for many
another reason i am probably single
lol

as you cn guess i am single again
eh whatever you know
you have some good times and bad
some good relationships some bad

Ryan seems to be trying to prove something
only it is not working
i see he is growing but it's not grown enough for me yet
i want him to be on his own and to experiance life before coming back to me

life is rather dull
but busy
and such is the way i love it

my life is a mess
AND I LOVE IT

Ama

SHADZ...... I MISS YOU GIRL!!!!!

i am so fucking excited
lol most everyone here is
7 more days
and it is
KANDYLAND
oh my god i am just estactic
donn't
think i can get anymore happy
*dances*
ONE WEEK
ONE
MWUAHAHAHAHA
next thursday is when i will DISAPPEAR from the online world to like
semi live in the fucked up un sober world of kandyland

SQWEEE

Ama

So i have not posted in a while
been to busy and quite frankly i don't give a shit

update i guess
life has been hectic as usual
kandyland is in 3 weeks
and i am trying my best to get everything in order so that nothing is missing in the end

i have been trying to avoid getting on which is a downer
because i use to love getting on
i don't feel close to my own g/f
where as it seems everyone else is
and for a part of it... it is my fault
i don't open up well
and sure some aspects of my life i am more then willing to share with everyone
but as for otherz i keep to myself
after learning the hard and misserable way that it may not be the best to share

*shrugs*
i dunno not in the real mood to type out everything
nor be online as usual

just have to make it to kandyland
Bec

So I love how people think all i am going to talk about is how much i hate this or that
yea i have better shit to talk about
if you have a problem with something i hate sure i may speak up but usually i have better shit to talk about
and it's rather sad you think i don't
other then that
i got in a car accident
okay well took out a fuckers fence and got stuck in the ditch too while i was at it
it sucks giant donkey dick
i had to walk my fat ass 4 blocks home in the butt fucking FREZZIN ass cold get my truck drive it back pull my car out of the fence/ditch then drive my truck home walk BACK to my car and drive it home...
i was cold
pissed off
and ended up smokin my brain away that night
life is kinda bleak
James has... well james is fucked at the momment
and there is nothing i can do to help or want to help because he picked a psycho
yea well there went that sexd buddy out the window
i am hanging out with ryan more and it is enjoyable
but we are NOT together >.<
maybe in the future but not now it is one thing i know will fall apart that i seriously don't need
also my little sis's baby didn't make it :( it got along 7 weeks and stopped we have no idea as to why but a couple of days ago she went in for surgery to terminate the pregnacy
so no aunty for me i guess

on a lighter note i suppose
my drawing is almost done YAY
and dave is getting married here in like 3 weeks (trying to make it after x mas)

yea life
bleh

I am soooo excited for this
and it is still... 110 days away
long time huh?
For all of you that don't know
Kandyland is a rave in seattle.

my one and only rave now.
It has to be the happiest night of the year for me.
It's the only time myfriend and myself get to throw all our cares out the window and for one night say fuck it all.
The one night I get to pull out all my Kandy and put it on finally
Where i get to dress up in practically nothing and go out and be accepted like i was normal.
It's the one time I can fade away in to the music and the world around me doesn't matter
The one night Ryan and me can never seem to keep our hands off each other

This is my night
This is when i get to let my cares fly out the window
I don't care if you think raves are dangerous
and I don't care if you think the things done at raves are Dangerous
it's my night to be happy
to let it all go.
and no one can spoil that.

can't wait...

I have no clue where this came from but...
This will be the list
the list of the handful I care about.
The ones i would go to the ends of the earth for
even if they might not for me.
They are the ones closest to me
if your not on the list it
DOSEN'T mean your not my friend
just
your not at close to me
as these
select few

The List
V (my Little Sis DUH)
Robert (well your part of this dork ass family)
Dave (wait your getting married when lol)
Jess (your marrying dave why.... you would think V robert and myself scared you away already)
Gage (will always care and love for you no matter what)
Amil (even though i just have got to know you... you have been an incredible person that i am thankful to have there)
Rach (Twiz) (my one and only sis that has been there through thick and thin)
Rach (Sil) (may have only met a couple of months ago but something about you and your personality keeps me comin back for more :O in a friend way...)
Aphiske (your great to talk to... i feel for once i don't have to talk stupid and i can be intelligent)
Heather (you make me laugh kid don't think there is another girl as fun as you or gets in as much trouble as you, but no matter what i will be there)
Aphro (psycho.... lol but i love ya)
Shawn (my nerd... or nerds... lol best person to share my secrets and just anything with)
Jason (asshole, but could choose no one better to get the straight out advice from)
Raine (another person i JUST met but already your so lovable funny and fun plus you keep jason under wraps)
Nostalgia ( nice shoes.... so umm wanna fuck lol)
Shivy ( i know we aren't mates no more but you still mean the world to me. your a good freind and someone i know i can always look to if i am in trouble or just need someone to talk to)
Amy (we may not talk much or often but your great to talk to when i can. i decided to redo your drawing since i was late on the other... i will send them both and you can decide what to do with them)
Cody ( another person i have had my ups and downs with but your a good kid and i miss how our friendship was... we will work on it)

Other then that really.
People are people.
Some are friends and nothing more.
I will be generally nice to
who is nice in return.
If you are fake...
you probably know it now
or it will come to bite you in the ass
sooner or later.
Either or I don't really give a shit.
If you think the world revolves around you...
well count me out.

*shrugs*
guess thats all

hate how people think that they're life means everything to me...
yea ummm no I could actually fucking careless except for a handful.
*shrugs*
If people don't already get it
you get what you brought upon yourself
plain and simple as that.
you learn your lesson and move the fuck on.
maybe make a better choice the next time

finally have everything in my life cleared free of that one thing.
Ryan and me are talkin again like civil human beings.
Got my trip planned to go see Gage.

Kandyland 4 is not too far off
V's and Mine Christmas shopping tradition is coming up
Hoping this year we can see some more granny's duke it out for stupid christmas gifts.

I already have started putting away for the plane tickets and everything else for Rach and her man and possibly Heather and Aphro out to the next Kandyland with me ^_^

Other then that life is fine.
I'm enjoying myself and my freedom
excited for this saturday... yes finally got my ass talked into going clubbing
(ama going to get DRUNK hahahaha)

But yea
YAY to back to having fun and not caring wtf people think
My life... This is how it is... If you don't like it...
Fuck you I don't care you're just another bleep on the idiot radar that I don't give a shit about

Becca

Amil~ For talking to me and understanding so much without a complaint.
Gage~ For loving me even though our relationship is SOOOOO complicated. I love you babe i would drop everything for you i hope you know this
Shivylove~ Even though I am still getting to know you you are a great comfort to have around
Silence~ We just have to find joo someone special but i love your company
Twiz (Sis)~ For just loving me for who i am... for being there when i need a shoulder. for never leaving my side
Dave~ For taking care of me... for getting me into this GREAT stress relieving sport. for acting more like a father then my real father has ever. for getting me wrapped up in your wedding... i can't wait to see Jess become part of our already small broken but great family.
V~ lol for not takin it to extreme while your prego and snappin necks
James~ for showing me how your just a dog that will roll over and give up and that i don't need that in my life.
Ryan~ For FINALLY speaking up and telling me the truth as hard as it was

there is much more and you know who you are

So I guess my life is content enough.
I dunno. It's a day to day thing.
I have my friends IRL and the ones Online.
I am doing great in school
Work is fine
I soon have a vacation here in 12 days

Planning out a trip to see Gage sometime during x-mas hopefully
I more want summer so I don't fucking freeze to death up there.

I miss somepeople
And others not so much.

I hate some
Love others
Don't care for some

*shrugs* life is just life right now nothing out of the ordinary

Thank you
Apkiske (for just talkin and being there)
Amil (for laughing with me)
Shivra (for being my silent cuddly rock to lean on)
LinuxDewd (for always being that fun perv)
FangsFirst (for being an asshole... lol who can turn around and be one of the best people to talk to in the end)
Silence (for understanding)
Ryan (for finally speakin up and talkin to me and through our issues)
Dave (for getting me wrapped up in your wedding rather then drama i don't need)
V (for adding to our already small family.... 8 MORE MONTHS WOOOOOOH! AND I WILL BE AN AUNTY!!!!)
James (for finally pulling your head out of your butt and realizing i don't care what you do but don't be such a fucking dick... TALK)

Gone ~ Fuel

Yeah!

I know
How you're always putting down all your friends
I know
How you think your righteousness will make amends
I know
How that little short skirt always gets you in
I know
How you hold me down just hoping I'll say when

And I know you want to own my soul, yeah, yeah

I don't know why you
Think that you can stand there on your own
I don't know why you
Always find the time to bitch and moan
I don't know why you
Think you're always right and never wrong
But I know why you're gone

I know
How you always get your way with that tease
I know
How you always wanna do just as you please
I know
How you came about those dirty little knees
I know
What you're thinking when you're saying you and me

And I know you still want to own my soul, yeah, yeah

I don't know why you
Think that you can stand there on your own
I don't know why you
Always find the time to bitch and moan
I don't know why you
Think you're always right and never wrong
But I know why you're gone
I know why you're gone
I know why you're gone, yeah

And I know now tomorrow
I've got the sun to shine on me

Yeah!

I don't know why you
Think that you can stand there on your own
I don't know why you
Always find the time to bitch and moan
I don't know why you
Think you're always right and never wrong
But I know why you're gone

I know why you're gone
I'm so glad your gone
I know why you're gone, yeah

Still Here ~ Vertical Horizon

I found the pieces in my hand
They were always there
It just took some time for me to understand
You gave me words I just can't say
So if nothing else
I'll just hold on while you drift away
Cause everything you wanted me to hide
Is everything that makes me feel alive

The cities grow
The rivers flow
Where you are, I'll never know
But I'm still here
If you were right and I was wrong
Why are you the one who's gone
And I'm still here
Still here

Seeing the ashes in my heart
The smile the widest
When I cry inside and my insides blow apart
I tried to wear another face
Just to make you proud
Just to make you put me in my place
But everything you wanted from me
Is everything that I could never be

The cities grow
The rivers flow
Where you are, I'll never know
But I'm still here
If you were right and I was wrong
Why are you the one who's gone
And I'm still here

Maybe tonight
It's gonna be alright
I will get better
Maybe today
It's gonna be okay
I will remember

I held the pieces of my soul
I was shattered and I wanted you to come and make me whole
When I saw you yesterday
But you didn't notice
And you just walked away
Cause everything you wanted me to hide
Is everything that makes me feel alive

The cities grow
The rivers flow
Where you are, I'll never know
But I'm still here
If you were right and I was wrong
Why are you the one who's gone
And I'm still here
The lights go out, the bridges burn
Once you're gone, you can't return
But I'm still here
Remember how you used to say I'd be the one to runaway
But I'm still here

*sighs and scoots away from her spot to make room for another*

i can't be there no more...
not the way i have been
when you fall IN Love.
then i know my place and where i have to be
i will not ruin
i will not complain because you are happy
but i can't be yours no more
you know i don't like to share
and you know i will not do onto another person what i would neve wish done upon myself

*shakes her head and sighs*
so i regretfully decide to be the shadow in the distance carefully watching over you and every step you take.

you don't have to worry about me complaining or ruinning or making it complicated no more

i am sorry for all i have done
and how complicated and maybe depressed i have made you

*slides into her new spot and just sits silently*